Helping children understand and manage their feelings through connection and guidance.
Children experience big emotions—but they don’t always know what to do with them. Anger, frustration, fear, sadness, and even joy can feel overwhelming without the tools to process and express those feelings. That’s where emotion coaching comes in.
Emotion coaching is a powerful, evidence-based approach that helps children learn to recognise, understand, and regulate their emotions. It supports emotional development and builds strong, trusting relationships between adults and children.
What is Emotion Coaching?
Emotion coaching is a way of responding to a child’s feelings with empathy, structure, and guidance. Rather than dismissing, ignoring, or punishing emotions, the adult acknowledges the emotion, helps the child name it, and then supports them in finding a constructive way to move forward.
Originally popularised by Dr John Gottman, emotion coaching is based on the idea that children learn emotional intelligence from the way adults respond to their emotions in everyday moments. It’s not about fixing or avoiding big feelings—it’s about helping children build the skills to manage them.
Why is Emotion Coaching Important?
When children feel seen and supported emotionally, their brains are more open to learning, problem-solving, and connecting with others. Emotion coaching helps children:
- Develop better self-regulation skills
- Build emotional vocabulary and self-awareness
- Strengthen relationships with caregivers and teachers
- Cope with challenges, stress, and transitions
Research shows that children who are emotion coached tend to experience fewer behavioural issues, have better social skills, and enjoy more secure attachments with adults in their lives.
The Five Steps of Emotion Coaching
Emotion coaching can be broken down into five simple steps:
- Be aware of the child’s emotions – Notice changes in body language, tone, or behaviour.
- See emotions as opportunities for connection and teaching – Instead of avoiding the feeling, lean in with curiosity.
- Listen and validate the child’s feelings – Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling.
- Help the child label their emotions – “It sounds like you’re feeling disappointed because…”
- Set limits and help them problem-solve – Support appropriate ways to express and manage the emotion.
This process doesn’t need to be perfect every time—consistency and emotional presence are what matter most.
What Does Emotion Coaching Look Like in Practice?
Imagine a child having a meltdown after losing a game. Instead of saying, “Don’t be silly, it’s just a game,” an emotion coach might respond with:
“It looks like you’re really upset. I get it—it’s frustrating when you try so hard and don’t win. Do you want to talk about what happened, or take a break first?”
By acknowledging the feeling and staying calm, the adult helps the child feel understood—and supports their return to a regulated state. Over time, children internalise this process and begin to manage emotions on their own.
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Who Can Use Emotion Coaching?
Emotion coaching can be used by anyone who works or lives with children. This includes:
- Parents and carers looking to strengthen connection and manage everyday challenges
- Teachers and school staff supporting emotional wellbeing in the classroom
- Allied health and mental health professionals, such as psychologists, social workers, and counsellors
- Early childhood educators, family workers, and youth practitioners
If you’re looking to build your skills or introduce this approach into your work, there are professional development opportunities focused on emotion coaching for children that offer practical tools, case examples, and expert guidance.
Tips for Getting Started with Emotion Coaching
- Tune into your own emotions – Children co-regulate with adults. Your calm helps them find theirs.
- Practice naming emotions – Use everyday moments to build emotional vocabulary: “You seem excited!”, “That sounds disappointing.”
- Validate before you redirect – Even if the behaviour needs to be corrected, start by acknowledging the feeling.
- Be patient – Emotion coaching is a skill for both adults and children. It gets easier with time and practice.
Last Thoughts
Emotion coaching helps children feel seen, safe, and supported as they learn to navigate life’s emotional ups and downs. It’s not about perfect parenting or teaching—it’s about showing up with empathy, staying present in tough moments, and helping children grow into emotionally intelligent adults.
